Worse Movie I Saw Today: Cannonball Run 2

The movies that I’m writing about simply bad, they are not “so bad that they’re good”, and they are not simply unwatchable.  They are so bad, so poorly conceived, implemented, and presented on every level that they need to be seen.  Movies that epitomize some basic aspect of hubris, laziness, or madness innate in humanity

Which brings me to Cannonball Run 2, a sequel to a mediocre movie which belongs to that strange group of celebrity laden cross country race movies.  The entire sequel is ripe with the stench of contractual obligation.  That is why it is a must see.  What is contractual obligation in such a large and complicated thing as a major motion picture?  It is a cross country race from LA to Conn that never leaves Nevada.  It is Frank  Sinatra being edited into  scene with Sammy Davis Jr and Dean Martin without actually being on the same set.  And it is ending the race with a nonsense cartoon, clips from earlier in the film, and simply saying that no one won.  It is beautiful, and amazing, and must be seen to believe.

The worst movie I saw today

So, I um, watched Epic Movie.  On purpose.  I didn’t pay for it or anything, except with my precious time.  The reviews really don’t do it justice, I’m not sure any can.  You really just have to see it.  It’s just too difficult to imagine ridiculous comedy spoof that actually doesn’t have a jokes.  There was a movie, long, long ago, with Gary Coleman, called The Fantastic World of D.C. Collins where he’s a kid with an over active imagination.   It was really just an excuse to see Whatcha Talkin’ ’bout Willis dressed as Indiana Jones and other popular characters, but only a few minutes, the rest of the movie was all about cold war espionage.  Epic Movie takes those few, sufferable minutes and makes a film out of them, a whole film.  The only reason you would laugh is if you’re one of those people who laugh whenever your brain works properly, and you’re just glad you understand the reference.  Plenty has already been written on the badness of these movies, and their lack of jokes, but there’s still a few things I just have to say:

Bringing a Borat lookalike on for a few seconds, to just talk like him is not parody, it’s just a rip off; using a joke from another comedy without any attempt at differentation is simply stealing

Lazy Sunday was a funny sketch of a bad rap, Lazy Pirates is actually worse than Lazy Scranton, which was supposed to be a bad rip off

This makes Robin Hood: Men in Tights, Fatal Attraction, and even Mafia! look really good, and Family Guy really bad, whenever they make a reference to pop culture that is only a reference

Watch this movie!  I did, so you should suffer too