The rules of living with a girl (a super hot, ultra cool one) in the city
Four of my friends, Diane, Rachel, Linda, Marty, and I sat down and they helped me come up with this list of rules. The first set was the biggest group effort, as everyone had to share a bathroom at some point with either a boyfriend, brother, father, or someone else.
Bathroom rules:
1. Just clean up after yourself and we’ll be fine
2. I will not monopolize the surface area with my products, and you’ll keep yours neat and in their own area
3. Let’s spend the extra two bucks every month and get the good toilet paper
4. Toilet seat left down, mister, I’m a lady
5. The lock is broken, so please just close the door shut, I don’t want to walk in on you. And I’m afraid I have to make clear that you are not allowed to come in when I am in there, even if I’m in the shower with the curtain closed, and you just need something really quickly
6. I don’t mind you using some of my products, shampoos and soaps. I just don’t want to end up spending twice as much money on my stuff because of freeloading
Diane made me be very lenient with this next one. She wanted me to accept that if I lived with a guy (especially if we’re not screwing) he’s going to be checking me out. I.E., the less real sexual stimulation I give to him, the more likely he is to try to get peeks. If I’m being modest, I would still describe my body as at least average, which means that it’s good enough to attract most men, if not get them drooling. Even if I’m careful with what I wear, I’m going to be showing something that catches his eye. So, I have to not be annoyed by it, and just realize that it’s not about sex, it’s just a guy being a guy. Also, if I put a limit on it early, I’ll be able to prance around like I normally do without it getting weird. My most important priority is that I want to feel comfortable in my own home.
Clothing:
I can be fairly casual with my clothing at home, I’m used to lounging in a comfy T-shirt and panties, and I’m not going to chastise you for looking, as long as it is not creepy. If I have cleavage on display, or legs for days, I give you permission to look. But even if I come out naked, it’s not an indication that I want sex. I do not want to see you naked, or to see your bits hanging out
This bit was quite easy, but I felt it had to be said.
Kitchen:
Again, just clean up after yourself. Leftovers are not automatically communal. Same rules on milk, eggs, and other basics apply as on toiletries
This was the most difficult section, where my friends with their live-in boyfriends and husbands could help me least. I don’t generally bring guys back to my home instead of going to their place, usually for the same reasons I wasn’t sure I wanted to have a male roommate, but it does happen occasionally. Actually, this area might be better with a guy, Tara had a tendency to bring home sketchy guys, and I won’t have to worry about waking up to random naked men at the breakfast table.
Bringing home dates:
The main thing is to not interfere with the other’s sex life, I.E. don’t give the other person’s date a reason to be jealous. The rest is basic courtesy, not being there when the other is having a date over for dinner, not having crazy loud sex, and keeping it in the bedroom. Also, this apartment is for two, not three; we can’t have a third person constantly sleeping over, moving in toiletries and other things.
I had been planning on including this as part of my general bathroom rules. Rachel, who has been married since she was 18 to the man she dated since she was 14, recommended that masturbation should have its own separate category of rules.
Rules on masturbation:
1. I will be very understanding, I know that men need to do this on a regular basis, and I know that I am at a bit of an advantage when the need occurs, as far as disgusting evidence goes, so I will also follow these rules
2. Keep it in your room. Of course, not in the living room, and no masturbating in the bathroom, this includes the shower. That is where I go to clean myself, if I see sperm on the wall, I will think about it every time I go in there
3. Seriously, not in the shower, I know you think that it’ll all be cleared away by the soap and water, but when you miss a single gross glob, you’re out
4. There are basically two different types of masturbation accessories. I never, ever want to see your deposit receptacles, E.G., crusty socks or tissues
5. The other type is good old-fashioned pornography. To be honest, I’m really okay with most pornography, as long as it’s relatively mainstream. I get some kind of weird ex-anthropology student’s pique in interest out of watching those Girls Gone Wild tapes, and I won’t be a prude when it comes to the hardcore stuff. Please just don’t leave things lying around. All I need is a little discretion
Posted by russellbauman 
